It has been raining a lot the last few days. The other night we had a fantastic thunder storm. I opened my apartments windows wide and enjoyed the sound of the rain falling. It is such a tranquil feeling. I have always loved the rain and the effect it has on me. I remember running with my friend Shanny through the storm ditches during and after a good rain. The water was deep and the mud was oozy. Just the way I like it.

So what does the rain have to do with anything? I can't help but to think of Maggie when it rains. She didn't like to be out in it, which is so strange to me because she could have swam all day long. When it was raining, though, we ran out, she did her thing and we came right back in. I used to stand under the awning hoping that she would go on her own, which she never did. She would stand and watch me until I relented to those amazing eyes and stood out in the rain with her. That's the way it was. If I did something, so did she she. If she had to stand out in the rain, so did I.

The rain has a new meaning to me now, though. When it rains I can't help but to think of her garden and how she is going to help it grow and make it beautiful. She made my life so meaningful and colorful and now she will continue to do that from the ground up. She will literally be a part of making something living thrive - againg. I don't know what the rains have been like in Pennsylvania, but they have been mostly gentle here. It just seems fitting that the rains are being kind and gentle to her.

When she was little she would climb in the shower with me. It wasn't every day, but it was always a welcome surprise. Sometimes she would just stand in the back of the tub, but when she was really small she would march right up under the sprinkle. When she started doing this she was so little she couldn't get herself in the tub. I had to pick up her fanny and haul her over the side. I am convinced that it wasn't the shower she liked, but the towel and the rubbing that came after.

After she swam or had been in any kind of water we always had to have a good towel down. She would see towel and her body would automatically go into happiness overdrive. I would rub it down over her back and she would lean. You know the lean - all of her weight against your legs, usually resulting in her sitting on your foot from being so happy and relaxed.

Yeah. I miss her. I know that people will get tired of reading about her and listening to me remember her (and mourn her), but it has been days since I have cried and now here I sit with tears running down my cheeks.

There are just so many things on my mind today. I am remembering packing up my classroom in Wellsville last year and having no idea where I was going or what I was doing, but I knew that I had Maggie, and Scout, and Nala...and at that time, Meadow, too. I feel such a profound sense of loss for so many things. My job, my house, Meadow, seeing my friends, and most importantly Maggie. So many things have changed and I often wonder how I keep up with them. I guess the answer is that I just have no choice. Even when My Maggie is gone, I am not. My world keeps turning and I keep breathing. It hurts sometimes, but I keep doing it.

Last night was a beautiful night for running. I didn't go out until somewhere around 8:45 or so. It was dusky, but not yet dark and the temperature was perfect. I was thrilled to be able to wear my running capris, which are just better than shorts any day of the week. I had some time to do some thinking and actually had a decent run. I am working os hard to get things back on track and start taking care of myself again. I have to. I have no choice.

I am getting ready to go into a management team meeting this morning and I don't know if I am done crying or not. Maybe I won't have to talk. That would be fantastic.