Fair doesn't mean equal...

At least that's what my BFF Katie tells me (and others).

Yesterday I had a, well.....shall we call it an "incident" on Facebook? It was a stark reminder that fair, indeed, is NOT equal.

I love Facebook as much as the next person. Without it I would have fallen out of touch with so many people I call friends and family. It's been great to see accomplishments and births and new homes and talents and skills of so many of my friends and family. I wouldn't have even known that my cousin's child was born this week had it not been for Facebook. Just sayin'.

As great as it is, it's not always great.

As I was reminded of yesterday.

A friend posted something that was going to happen in their and their significant other's life as a couple. Great! This friend and I have bantered back and forth since we were young and they have always given me shit about football, Penn State, professional things in my life.... Always. Much of the time it is based in sarcasm and can be somewhat sharp. But it's what we did.

Recently, I posted a picture of a poster I presented at a conference in Montreal that had taken a lot of time and effort to complete. Some friends asked me to post a picture, so I did - reluctantly. This person (mentioned above) was the first person to comment on the picture saying, "Is that a typo?" or something along those lines. I felt stinging in my cheeks, because there was a typo on the poster and I knew it. My advisor had strongly recommended that I not have it reprinted because no one would notice at the conference. No big deal. And it wasn't. I doubt that the person mentioned above even read the poster, but felt free to comment anyway. Several of my other friends also commented on the picture, but didn't feel the need to defend or attack the typo comment. Even though it bothered me I didn't mention it and we all moved on in our lives.

Fast forward to yesterday. This is where the story picks up. Yesterday, this typo friend posted the relatively major life event that was going to happen in the context of a relationship that was important to them. I made a teasing comment on par with the typo comment they had made on my conference poster. The manure that followed was straight out of Newfield Central School circa 1989; another person decided they needed to defend the original poster telling the world that my post was "venom" and subsequently posting on her page that I was "toxic" and clearly so unhappy with my life that I couldn't allow anyone else to be happy.

Ummmmm......

Really?

The part that stung? The friend who posted the "typo" comment didn't bother to acknowledge that our friendship was on that level. Ouch. I guess that's what happens when one thinks that their relationship is more important, more valuable, more defendable than someone else's relationship....regardless of what the relationship is. And that's where fair doesn't mean equal, apparently.

In the end, I decided to unfriend the person (who was never really a friend to begin with) for several reasons, but mostly because if they had balls enough to feel comfortable with labeling me as "toxic" when they know nothing about me, my life, or my psyche then their character is not one with which I wish to be associated. And the "typo" poster? I just hid their profile, no longer seeing updates or posts that come from them.

Is it a little thing? Yes. But sometimes the little things sting the most.

My friends could have very easily flamed the typo friend on my post, but they didn't. Why? Because they have faith and confidence that I can manage things on my own.

So, I ask this: In the context of Facebook posts is it our responsibility to flame person B's response to person A's thread? Isn't it the case that person A can delete or comment for themselves? What right do we have to butt in to someone else's post to attack, defame, or belittle person A's friends?

Yeah, I'm a little hurt. Not because I was called "toxic" or because I was accused of spewing "venom," but because someone who posts responses just as sharp and sarcastic wasn't enough of a friend to call off the dogs.

And that's just disappointing.