Fair doesn't mean equal...

At least that's what my BFF Katie tells me (and others).

Yesterday I had a, well.....shall we call it an "incident" on Facebook? It was a stark reminder that fair, indeed, is NOT equal.

I love Facebook as much as the next person. Without it I would have fallen out of touch with so many people I call friends and family. It's been great to see accomplishments and births and new homes and talents and skills of so many of my friends and family. I wouldn't have even known that my cousin's child was born this week had it not been for Facebook. Just sayin'.

As great as it is, it's not always great.

As I was reminded of yesterday.

A friend posted something that was going to happen in their and their significant other's life as a couple. Great! This friend and I have bantered back and forth since we were young and they have always given me shit about football, Penn State, professional things in my life.... Always. Much of the time it is based in sarcasm and can be somewhat sharp. But it's what we did.

Recently, I posted a picture of a poster I presented at a conference in Montreal that had taken a lot of time and effort to complete. Some friends asked me to post a picture, so I did - reluctantly. This person (mentioned above) was the first person to comment on the picture saying, "Is that a typo?" or something along those lines. I felt stinging in my cheeks, because there was a typo on the poster and I knew it. My advisor had strongly recommended that I not have it reprinted because no one would notice at the conference. No big deal. And it wasn't. I doubt that the person mentioned above even read the poster, but felt free to comment anyway. Several of my other friends also commented on the picture, but didn't feel the need to defend or attack the typo comment. Even though it bothered me I didn't mention it and we all moved on in our lives.

Fast forward to yesterday. This is where the story picks up. Yesterday, this typo friend posted the relatively major life event that was going to happen in the context of a relationship that was important to them. I made a teasing comment on par with the typo comment they had made on my conference poster. The manure that followed was straight out of Newfield Central School circa 1989; another person decided they needed to defend the original poster telling the world that my post was "venom" and subsequently posting on her page that I was "toxic" and clearly so unhappy with my life that I couldn't allow anyone else to be happy.

Ummmmm......

Really?

The part that stung? The friend who posted the "typo" comment didn't bother to acknowledge that our friendship was on that level. Ouch. I guess that's what happens when one thinks that their relationship is more important, more valuable, more defendable than someone else's relationship....regardless of what the relationship is. And that's where fair doesn't mean equal, apparently.

In the end, I decided to unfriend the person (who was never really a friend to begin with) for several reasons, but mostly because if they had balls enough to feel comfortable with labeling me as "toxic" when they know nothing about me, my life, or my psyche then their character is not one with which I wish to be associated. And the "typo" poster? I just hid their profile, no longer seeing updates or posts that come from them.

Is it a little thing? Yes. But sometimes the little things sting the most.

My friends could have very easily flamed the typo friend on my post, but they didn't. Why? Because they have faith and confidence that I can manage things on my own.

So, I ask this: In the context of Facebook posts is it our responsibility to flame person B's response to person A's thread? Isn't it the case that person A can delete or comment for themselves? What right do we have to butt in to someone else's post to attack, defame, or belittle person A's friends?

Yeah, I'm a little hurt. Not because I was called "toxic" or because I was accused of spewing "venom," but because someone who posts responses just as sharp and sarcastic wasn't enough of a friend to call off the dogs.

And that's just disappointing.

Deal of the Week

This dress was originally $89.99 at Ann Taylor LOFT. It's a lovely l'il frock, but I wouldn't pay that much for it. Note: It is not that short on me since my legs aren't nearly that long.

It happened to be hanging on the sale rack, all by it's lonesome. It called to me to give it a whirl.

And so I did.

With it's great cut and the airiness of it, I liked it, but not for the price on the rack ($59.99). It was better than the original $89.99, but still not quite there.

So, what did I pay for it?

You mean after the additional 30% off of the sale price?

And the additional 30% off for Friends and Family Week?

And the additional $10 for a snag at the bottom of the hem that even Susan didn't notice?

Hold onto your hats!!

$27.

And that, my friends, is my Deal of the Week!

Making the best of unemployment

I know that I am supposed to be disappointed that I am unemployed. In many circusmtances I would be, but when word came down there would be a "reduction in workforce" due to "cuts in funding" I started praying. Praying that I would be one of the ones who would benefit from the reduction. And for once my prayer worked.

There are a few lessons I've learned while being unemployed, however. The first is that even though spending MUST be curbed, cutting back in the area of toilet paper is not the way to go. Even if I could save $3 by buying cheaper toilet paper, I will never again buy anything other than Cottonelle. It's just not worth it.

Next, I had to resolve the guilt of not getting up and going to a worksite every day. I've since realized that my worksite is upstairs at my writing station. The amount of writing I've completed since being let go has been remarkable. I would have been done with my degree four years ago if I hadn't been working. Okay, probably not really, but whatever....

Today my friend Susan and I met for lunch (Mom tells me I must stop having lunch meetings) and a massage. Don't get angry. Anyone can afford a massage. Here's how...

We went to Brookstone. Yes. Brookstone. You know? The store in the mall with all of the gadgets and the massage chairs? It might be a little ummm....welll....I don't have wrods for what it might be, but we enjoyed ourselves. A lot. Like 20 minutes of massage and a lot of people staring at us.

Have you seen the episode of Modern Family where Claire goes to the mall for a massage? Okay, well, you have to watch a short ad before the clip, but here it is. I had to remind Susan that we did not want to sound like Claire.

So, lesson for the day? Anyone can afford a massage....even when unemployed.

Sorry. I've been a slacker.

So since I made the big announcement that I was back in the game and ready to start posting regularly again, I've barely posted at all. My sister has reminded me of this on a few occasions and I know I need to get with it. So, here goes...

I am really starting to delve into my comp exams. Finally. I am working on the first paper focused on gender roles and the social construction of gender, gender roles, and gender identity. At first glance, it feel s pretty easy, right? This is what is expected as a "man/boy" and here is what is expected a "woman/girl." Not so easy. Once you start to think about subordinate masculinity versus hegemonic masculinity, the water starts to get a little muddy. Or when you think about jocks vs. band geeks or theater rats or any other sub-schools that exist in schools and society, things get even more dense. Who is to say that one form of masculinity is better than another? Who is to say it's right? And what of androgyny? Other cultures have three (sometimes more) gender roles in their societies, but not the good ole U. S. of A. No. It's either male or female with little acceptance for cross-over or questioning. This leaves people - particularly young people - in a precarious position. Are they male? Are they female? What if they are sexed as a male, but identify more with female characteristics and traits? Then what? Anyway, these are the issues, challenges, and conundrums with which I am dealing with in order to complete this final degree. Well, actually, I am dealing with them when I am not at pottery class or in open studio...

And that brings us to pottery class. Last week I was absent since I attended the Dave Matthews concert at Darien Lake. Since I was pelted in the eardrum with freezing cold rain and wind, I would have much rather been working some clay at the Genesee Center. So, where am I at with this emerging "talent"? Well....

It's been an adventure. I am learning to cope with and appreciate centrifugal force much more than I ever have. I am finally starting to remember to not put a soaking wet sponge on a moving wheel. Said sponge flies off wheel. Same with a ball of clay, as evidenced by the night that one of mine flew off to hit my instructor (Ezra) in the kneecap. Man down. I am also learning to appreciate the effects that too much water has on a very smooth and pliable clay. It sinks my battleship every time. When I add too much water, I almost never produce anything that even looks like a piece of art....not even abstract art. But, overall it's good.

Two weeks ago we glazed our first pieces and I am anxious to see how they turn out. Rest assured I will post pictures when they emerge from the kiln magically colored and 15% smaller than they were when I first put them in the kiln room.

As a person who has significant weaknesses in spatial ordering and understanding how the world all fits together mechanically and socially (there's a reason I am in social sciences), this has been really challenging for me. Almost always, I have to have Ezra show me exactly how my hands should be when throwing a piece or when removing the slip from the outside. I always thought I was a kinestetic learner, but apparently, not so much. It makes me feel a little dense and slow, but I am coming around. Sometimes when I am just going about my every day routines, I remember a hand position or something will click and it hits me. Like, "OH! THAT's what I need to do in order to not put a gigantic hole in the side." Right. I ruined two pieces this weekend when trimming because I dug too deep and put mammoth holes in both items. So not cool.

Anyway, that's where I am at with the pottery thing. I am successfully making things that look like cylinders and although they are not huge, they are symmetrical and nicely shaped. I hope everyone in my family likes oddly shaped pottery because it's what's for Christmas this year!

Mud Physics!

I am in love.

Last night was my first pottery class at Genesee Center for Arts & Education. I was greeted by 25 pounds of clay, a tool kit, and Ezra, my instructor. After a quick building tour we pretty much jumped right in, learning to wedge clay in using the ram's head technique to prepare and unify the clay. We grabbed a wheel, got some water, put on our splash guards and away we went!

Islapped my ball of clay on the wheel and began slapping it to center it on the wheel. This already felt good! Centering te clay means getting it ready to make it into a nice little flan shape on the wheel. Grab the sponge. Wet the hands. Turn on the wheel and watch the clay spin. As soon as I put my wet hand on that ball of clay, I realized that this was going to be the equivalent of playing with mud for 3 hours every Wednesday night! YES! As a kid, my favorite pastime was making mud pies and seeing how dirty I could come home. It was fab.

So, after centering and mounding we began to open up the piece. It's all about pressure. speed, and focus; being sure to push with a certain part of your hand and not the other. Pushing with the top part of the hand creates a ridge that throw the whole piece off. Okay. So the clay is opened some. Then you open it MORE. At a certain point the clay just opens. You see it right before your eyes uniformly spread. Then it's time to pull it up.

This is where things went horribly wrong for me. My cylinders kept becoming bowls. I couldn't figure out the pressure of the lift to make it come straight up, applying too much pressure to the inside. I made some beautiful bowls that eventually turned too thin and wobbled off the wheel, resulting in the return of the clay to it's original ball.

If nothing else, this is going to be a cool experience. Like anything else, it takes practice and diligence, which means regular trips to open studio. That's not going to be easy, but I think it is going to become a place t refocus.

Learning to throw pottery is going to teach me so many important lessons and it's fairly parallel to life....learning to center. Opening up just enough. Learning to not apply too much pressure before it all becomes too weak and you have to start all over. Life is pliable; sometimes it starts one way, but with motion, water, and pressure it becomes something else completely... It's all a balance. It's all about learning to balance. Learning to find the right combination to make something beautiful. Until I can translate these lessons into my own life, my life will continue to be a giant ball of out of control mud that warps into a bowl because I apply too much pressure at the bottom.

Okay. I'm seeing it.

Good morning, world!

Every day is an adventure...or so they say. Mine seems to be increasingly so.

I'm not even sure how to face a day like this, so I've decided that I am going to try an experiment in self-esteem. For today I am going to be hyper vigilant about negative self-talk, negative thoughts, negative emotions. I am not necessarily going to love my job, but I am going to be proud of the families I help. I am not going to be absolutely in love with my body, but I am going to be thankful for the health it has given me; for the muscles that move me and the heart and lungs that keep me going and the brain that seems to never turn off. I am going to try.

Don't call it a come back!

I've been here for years, however, I haven't been actively blogging. Sure. I've tried other blogs, but none of them seem to fly. This blog chronicles some really difficult, funny, poignant, and pathetic times in my life and it's really like a comfortable blanket to come home too.

So much has happened since my last post about Salazar. First and foremost, I no longer live in Geneva. That apartment was great, but the drunken Hobart William Smith College kids kind of ruined the experience for me. Constant fire trucks, sirens, people peeing in the lawn... It had to to end. Okay, I would probably still be in in Geneva had we not lost funding for the after school program. This was a HUGE blow to me and to the Surge staff (who I miss every day). We had a good thing going, but funding was tight and competitive. We missed funding by one point. One point. One lousy point changed my entire life.

So, here I am in Rochester now. Living in Corn Hill with Scout, Nala, and Belle. Have really gotten into spinning (indoor cycling) and am trying my best to keep a positive outlook on life. I am feeling a lot of pressure lately to be where society "says" I should be, but I have so much to do before then.

I am a late stage Ph.D. student. The world of academia call me an "advanced doc student," but to me it feels more like late stage. It has been a long, arduous process that is definitely not for the faint of heart. I am at thee most difficult stage now, which is preparing and writing my comprehensive exams. It is easy to go to class twice a week and hand in assignments. It is much, much harder to stay motivated to write papers, three of which I need to do to complete my comps. I've decided to explore gender role expression in adolescent romantic relationships, so I am knee deep in gender theory and gender construction. Next will be the development of adolescent romantic relationships, followed by a research methods paper. They should be completed by the end of the summer at which point I will prepare my dissertation proposal. I am so close and still a gazillion miles away.

So why am I brining back the blog? I've decided that I need to get a life. I am going to try at least one new thing each week. Might be a skill. Might be a food. Might be a new place or activity, but I am going to start getting out there. This week's new activity will be pottery class on Wednesday night. Yes! I am starting a ten-week class to learn to throw pottery! Should be interesting.

So, are you willing to come along on the journey to see where life leads me as a result of where I have been?

Welcome back, readers!