We did well!

I am happy to report that our presentation in Albany went very well. The topic was engaging youth in shared decision-making in organizations and schools (like school boards, board of directors, etc). We had about 35 people, which is FAR more than we had expected. We had a great time slot, which really helped. First session of the morning had a lot of attendees. Sessions after lunch and in the evening are the kiss of death. Our evaluations were overwhelmingly positive, mostly being rated excellent, with two fair. There was nothing that we were evaluated on as poor. Overall, very happy with how things went.

Tomorrow is a shortened day, which ends at 2:30. We will be heading home after that and I am going to run tomorrow. I promise. Look for the report tomorrow evening.

I am deep into the book "The Kite Runner." It is a beautifully written, enthralling book. I still have many many pages to read, but I can't get to the end quick enough. That is the sign of a really good book. It has been a long time since I have found something so engaging. I am enjoying the brain candy now since I will be reading textbooks in the fall!

I have meant to direct you to the website about Garth's run across Pennsylvania. Garth is from Canton PA and this is his senior project. He is running across Pennsylvania (426 miles) to raise money for a new track in Canton. Please check out his site and make a donation if possible.

Okay....off to read and then to bed.

Look for the running report tomorrow! It won't be long, it won't be fast, but at least it will be here!

Resuming the weekend report...

I am currently in Albany attending the 21st Century Community Learning Center conference that we have to attend twice a year. One is in Albany, the other in Brooklyn. Susan and I are presenting tomorrow and need to work on nailing down the rest of the details. Full report tomorrow night. The awesome thing is that Katie, Penny, and Tim are here and is is great to see them again. It makes me feel not so disconnected from my life.

Part of the reason that I have not been blogging as much is because I have not been running and I have not been taking my laptop home with me, which is when I blogged when I was really keeping up with life. I honestly don't know what I am doing with my time, but I have a feeling that I am overdoing it in terms of work hours. I need to get back on track and start living my life and taking care of myself again. I am still very sad, but I can't continue to not do things to take care of me. I am going to make it a point to really start doing so. As soon as I get back from Albany...

Okay, so I think that I got to the point of saying that I saw Katie and Cristin and the kids over the weekend. Good fun.

Saturday was Cale's graduation party. I can guarantee that when there is a party at Aunt Alicia's, it is going to be a good time. Cale's Band (Flatt Broke) played and we had a ball. Cale is one hell of a drummer and is so happy when he is playing.

Aunt Janet once again became the Statue of Liberty and at the top of our lungs we sang the National Anthem in the garage. Such touching moments.

It is hard to believe that the four boys are grown and graduated. I don't feel old, but I sure do feel like they are catching up with me.

Mom and I spent some nice time together Sunday morning planting Maggie's garden. I bought some Bleeding Hearts, Love Pat hostas, and some other lower bright green hostas to plant at Maggie's spot. I can't seem to bring myself to calling it a "grave." A "grave" implies that she is gone and maybe I need to come to the full realization that she is gone, but I know that her spirit and energy are still here. So, for now I am going to call it her "spot." Mom cleared a nice sized area and we debated on how to layout the plants. We agreed to a nice layout that should fill in over time. I will add a St. Francis of Assissi statue to the garden once I find one that I like. I hope that I can take it to Mt. Iraneus to have it blessed before I take it to Maggie.

I was doing okay with being in that place and doing what I was doing for the reason that I was doing it, but towards the end of planting that overwhelming feeling of emptiness returned. My heart just feels hollow and I have this energy that I don't know what to do with. I know that energy is anger - anger that I couldn't save her, anger that she is gone, anger that people mistreat their dogs and have them live forever...anger for everyone under the sun thinking they can be breeders, resulting in thinning out the bloodlines and genetics of America's most popular dog. Just anger....that I am alone.

I am not crying as much now, but there are times that I just can't help it. The things that trigger me are strange. My heart ached the other day when I saw a woman walking her dog, stopped at a corner. The dog automatically sat when they waited to cross. It so reminded me of Maggie and how she used to do exactly that. I miss walking her. I miss the routine of her. I miss the unconditional love of her. I just miss her.

I know at some point my sadness and grief will become irritating to people around me and I am trying to not talk about it quite so much, but to not talk about her is to not talk about one of my major sources of joy over the last four years. I don't know how long it will take my heart to heal or my mind to realize that she isn't going to be there when I get home. I still find myself waiting for the two high pitched barks that she would give when she heard me close the Jeep door. She always knew when I was home. I miss the familiarity.

I am going to be okay and I am going to get myself back on track. I have to. I haven't felt well and traveling so much over the last few weeks has really taken a toll on me. There have been may day trips to conferences and meetings, along with overnights. July isn't much better and August is going to be a nightmare until Disney rolls around.

For now, that is all. I will report tomorrow on how the presentation goes. I will also try to be better at keeping up with the blog.

P.S. I decided on my way to work this morning that I would like to take a shot at writing a children's book.

What a crazy weird weekend.

So Friday came and how stoked was I to make it to get my hair did in Wellsville? I know that I am neurotic and there are stylists in Auburn, Seneca Falls, blah blah blah, but I am pretty sure I would fly in from California to go to Jaime. She always makes me look fab. I love that I sit in her chair and tell her to have at it. I don't have to hold her hand the entire time like I do with so many other people. Yuck.

Friday night I was with Erica at her gram's. Her grandmother just turned 85 on Friday! Unbelievable. We had a very nice visit. Her family was in from a variety of places and get this - her cousin is the personal assistant to Queen Rania, Queen of Jordan. Have you ever seen Queen Rania? Gorgeous. Disgustingly beautiful. I stayed at Erica's and headed to Cuba in the morning to see my other girls and their babes.

I met Cristin and Katie at Katie's house along with Emma, Emily, and Amelia. They are growing like little weeds. Emma has a huge amount of teeth. Amelia's are coming in slightly slower.


More later....I have to go to work. ARGH!

Ouch!

Mom called this morning on my way to work to tell me that Jeff was in the emergency room passing a (what they think is) kidney stone. OUCH. I can't imagine that feels so great. Here's hoping that baby is born soon. I told mom that I have a whole bag of special kidney disease dog food from Mags if he needs it. It's a little bland, but he doesn't really have an adventurous taste for food, anyway.

She also told me that my aunt is taking Ty to the doctor today for a concerning reason. I won't post what it is for the sake of confidentiality and not having all of the details. In any case, keep your fingers crossed and your prayers flying that everything turns out fine on that one, too.

Yesterday afternoon was our afterschool program end of the year picnic. It was a lot of fun, but I am glad that it is over. We had about 140 kids and I found yesterday at about 12:30 or so that the swimming pool was not open. WHAT?!?!? So, off to Wal-Mart to come up with some really quick activities to pass the time. We did have a moonwalk, velcro wall, and the big sumo wrestling suits already planned. I also added finger painting, car sponges, and buckets. The sponges were a big hit and we were the bucket brigade most of the afternoon. 12 sheet pizzas later, the kids and staff went home happy. I think.

Got a situation...need to run.

Positive Youth Development?

Is it something someone can learn? All of the experts come and teach about what it takes to be a good positive youth developer. Some of the components include authenticity and an irrational dedication to young people. Is it possible to learn to be authentic, especially if you don't like someone? Let's face it. There are a lot of adults who work with youth who don't really like young people. You can see it in their faces, their actions, their voices. I have just been overtraining in the area of "positive youth development" lately and it feels like the choir is tired of being preached to. I like to think (and actually believe) that I am pretty strong in the area of positive youth development. I think I "get" it. I am boycotting positive youth development trainings for a month. Maybe more, depending on how I feel after a month is up.

I ran today. It hurt, but I did it. It is crappy to think that I was running upwards of six miles on a regular basis and tonight made it for only 20 minutes and not even two miles. It always takes a while to come back to running and since I haven't really been running regularly since May 10 (according to my Nike+ site) I guess I have to take what I can get. I did follow it up with 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer, so I guess I didn't do all that poorly.

Big news from Chicago last night. Miss Princess lost her first tooth. You can click here to see her new smile, along with her new haircut. She apparently lost it eating Skittles, which is a fabulous way to lose your first tooth! Way to go, Miss Grace.

Other than that, not a ton happening. I am hoping to sleep better tonight than I did last night. I have a TON to get done at work the next few days, so I need to be super duper productive. More soon, I think...

This has been my first weekend alone at home without Magpie. I can't say that it has been easy. I kept myself quite busy yesterday, avoiding the cleaning that I knew had to be done. Today, I wasn't so lucky. Anyone who knows me, knows that cleaning is not my forte, passion, or even like. I understand that some people thrive on that kind of stuff, but I am not one of them.

Some of the things that I am going to write about are unsanitary. I know that. Some of them I knew about and was avoiding and some of them I really didn't realize. Anyway, this was my first real attempt at cleaning since bringing Maggie home from the vet's that Monday afternoon. I had gone to Katie's wedding over the weekend and Maggie was at the vet's. Anyway...

I started in the kitchen, which is where Maggie's bowls and chews still are. I made the mistake of opening the container where I keep her food, which was a big mistake. The smell of that so familiar food wafted up into my face and that was pretty much the end of it for me. I can still see us going through our morning routine, and the same in the evening when I would come home. That smell was so familiar and she could not wait to munch it down. I had finally found a food that she really enjoyed. She was picky, and always had been. Little did I know that being a picky eater was a sign of kidney disease. This makes sense sine the theory is that it was congenital. She had always been choosy about what she would eat. I took a lot of shit over feeding her premium food, but I believe that had I not fed her quality food I would not have had her as long as I did.

Her bowls are still dirty. The water bowl is empty from the cats drinking from it, but the food dish still has some traces of the ground turkey I made for her Monday night. There were also still bits on the floor around the bowl. I had mixed the turkey with some scrambled eggs (which se usually loved). She had picked out the turkey and left the eggs behind. The carpet in the living room is still stained from where she shortly threw it back up. She was so sick. I found the eggs on top of the refrigerator this morning. Yes. They had been there almost two weeks. Had I noticed them before I would have thrown them out, but apparently I have been avoiding the kitchen as much as possible. I have also been traveling.

I am still finding tennis balls and Frosty Paw cups in places that I have not expected to find them. The vacuum is still filling with brown fur. Everything is still normal here, expect that Maggie is gone. I get so pissed off when I see fur someplace in a corner or under the couch. I did everything right. I loved her more than most people love in a lifetime. I took the best care of her that I could, and still I lost her unfairly early. I should be at the lake right now, watching her launch off the boat ramp. We should be going through McDonald's to get her a vanilla frozen yogurt. We should be coming home and laying on the couch together - she chewing a rawhide and me reading a book, after a wile shifting so that her head was on my knee.

I know it is going to take time. I know that I am going to continue to be pissed off. It doesn't change the fact that I want her back. It doesn't change the fact that I hear dog tags around my apartment or smell her next to me.

Just a quick update...

This has been a busy week. I spent Memorial Day weekend at Mom's. It was great to see Libby, but she was definitely weirded out by the absence of Maggie. I can't say that I blame her. I am still weirded out, too. Anyway, the weather was nice and I got in some major reading.

Tuesday through Thursday I was in Arlington VA at a conference. The conference was sub-par to say the least, but the company was good. I was travelling with Susan and we always have a good time together. We flew and both ways we had a layover in JFK. The days were long and it would have been far quicker to just drive there - especially with the layovers. There were a group of Marines at the hotel and we had a good time with them the first night. They were from South Carolina, but visiting DC's monuments for what they were calling "mandatory fun." It was interesting.

We got back in at about 1:00 Friday morning. I am exhausted and am hoping to get caught up on some sleep soon.

Speaking of getting caught up - I just checked out my Nike+ site and I haven't really been running since May 10. I need to get back on that wagon and do it soon or all that I have gained will be lost. it is already going to hurt again, but the sooner I do it the sooner I get back there. My new goal is to lose 33 pounds by my 33 birthday. That means that I have 5 months to make that happen.

Amy and I found a house in Seneca Falls so we will be moving at the beginning of July. It is a three bedroom, 1.5 bath colonial right on the main street, but slightly out of town. The space will be fantastic and I can't wait to have a porch again. If you haven't been to Seneca Falls, it is a quaint, historical town that is safe. We had decided that we would look in Auburn, but some of the neighborhoods are not so great. Seneca Falls also means that work is a short three mile drive. I like that.

Okay. I should be re hydrating. I had several bouts with Cuervo last night and we are planning on going to the Taste of Syracuse today. Hot sun and dehydration make for a crabby girl. The cats are also driving me bonkers bananas, so I am guessing they need to be fed.

No word on the house yet. Keep your fingers crossed.